Why Mamma Mia 2 – here we go again is a wonderful metaphor for life after *** SPOILER ALERT!

If you haven’t yet seen Mamma Mia 2 and do not wish to know about a central aspect of the film’s plot please return for either my next post, or when you have had a chance to watch the movie.

Hubs and Self went to see the film last night, and we really enjoyed it – and we had read a fair bit of negative press, mostly complaining that the film lacked the ‘exuberance’ of the first one. And, yes, I can confirm that the sequel does not have the relentless, driving energy and breathless pace of the first. And this is sensible for a few good reasons…

  1. This is not the original, this is a sequel. If you are really attached to the pace of the first one then you are free to keep watching it. #sorted
  2. Everyone is older, and as we mature we do not have the relentless energy of youth – as humans we are subject to time (and oxygen, but that’s another blog post).
  3. Donna is dead and the film considers life, music, love, and change through a framework of loss and mourning that would be caricatured at best if a poppy, bouncy, high-energy approach to the movie was present. And this last is why I really loved (and yes, I cried at times… I did grow up listening to ABBA after all, and I am nostalgic and romantic and sentimental at times) how the movie is paced and crafted.

When someone we love dies we are changed. Even though we still feel love, joy, sorrow, exuberance, happiness, fear – all the things that make us human, sentient, and complex – we feel them through a new lens of experience. We have an ‘after’ now, which informs our responses and our understanding of the world. The film also takes place at the first anniversary of Donna’s death, and many of the characters respond with tears and sorrow to this date – it is not uncommon in real life for the full force of grief, loss, and mourning to take effect after a year has passed, taking many of us by surprise, so as an EOL Doula and sociologist I liked the honesty of the writing.

I could write for hours about how well I think the filmmakers compromised between happy music and a full perspective of emotion after a death, but I think I will leave this post shorter than I had intended. Just like our lives…

May your day be filled with music, laughter, joy, and enough bittersweet memory of all the people and times you have loved to make it a rich one.

If you are experiencing your own anniversary of a death and would like to know more about your own End Of Life options, please do not hesitate to contact me. I am an End Of Life Doula who will help you find the right soundtrack for your advance planning and funeral.

Let’s talk.

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Why I Am an End Of Life Doula for Human and Non-Human Animals Alike

I came across a rather interesting project by Aubrey Wade, who is a British photographer working out of Berlin. The non-belief project is in the early stages, and I contacted Aubrey about participating in the project at some level – even though as I am based in Australia it may not be possible for me to be included. Aubrey wrote back to me, and asked a few questions that prompted and elicited a much deeper response than I had realised I had in me, and I am most grateful to Aubrey for the consideration of my own perspective that his questions gave rise to.

I do not generally publically share details of communication from a personal perspective, but as I myself attained a richer self-understanding from Aubrey’s mission statement and parameters for the project, I am sharing my response here in this post.

Aubrey wrote (in part) to me: The project will take shape in two primary ways:

  • A series of portraits combined with short interviews that reflects the variety of non-religious beliefs held by individuals across different countries.
  • An in-depth photo essay. I am interested in ritual behaviours connected with people’s non-religious beliefs, in particular when experiencing significant life moments, either positive or challenging (from celebrating to grieving), as well as transitions from one stage of life to another. I anticipate that at these times people’s beliefs, perspectives and worldviews come clearly into focus, are often embodied, and allow for a strong visual representation. I am also interested in exploring the role of ‘sacred’ or ‘spiritual’ objects, places and relationships in people’s non-religious beliefs and lives.

My response, which encapsulates my underlying world-views in ways even I had not fully realised is as follows (I have edited out specific details of my geographic location, and the email content is in blue to denote where the communication ends and the blog post proper recommences):

Good morning Aubrey,

I am happy to be a part of either spoken or visual aspects of your project, thank you! As a hard 7 atheist on the Dawkins scale I am intrigued by your project’s parameters.

My motivations: I am a rationalist and atheist, and one of the most satisfying aspects of my academic work is that I am able to model critical thinking to students in lectures and in tutorials – however the absence of critical capacity as an inherent part of religious and faith-based ‘belief’ is one of the most frustrating aspects of my teaching practice. As a former somatic psychotherapist and life-long storykeeper I am also always interested in people’s stories, because story/ies tells me about how people relate to the world, and who or what they value most. Relationships are therefore more significant to me than objects or even cultural frameworks – although the relationship/s a person may have with the frameworks themselves is often very interesting too…

The relationships that are most important for me, and that give me the most solace at challenging times in life, are those with animals; this is in both my academic and End Of Life arenas of work. I love my spouse and my good friends (who constitute my family), but I have a particular affinity with animals of the non-human kind: dogs in particular. The love, interactions, and relationship with my own dog* spurred on my decision to offer services as an EOL Doula for both people and their pets. Dogs and humans have co-evolved for at least 100 thousand years, and the bonds between human and canine are often the net that catches me best when I am dispirited, overwhelmed, or need to process strong emotion. I am able to write about this powerful and personally profound connection, but have no idea how – or indeed if – this might translate to the lens.

I understand the laws of physics and the universe – we come from the stuff of stars, as Carl Sagan put it, and we return to the stuff of stars when we die. I am not a believer in any kind of afterlife or reincarnation, and I am comfortable in the knowledge that our life is finite, bounded by the two transitions of birth and death. The relationships I have with those close to me whom I esteem and value, including my dog, do provide me with proof of compassion, genuine love and caring, communication (Cully is a Malamute X German Shepherd, so he talks a lot and is a very good communicator), community, and place in the world. As I re-read this paragraph I am aware that my position may seem detached and dry here on the page, but I am often moved to tears by the power of the emotion and connection that these relationships bring to my life. Spending time with a mix of animals – human and non-human – also reminds me to be humble. There are far too many cultural assumptions, generally rooted in religious standpoints, that position humans ‘above’ or in a place of purported ‘superiority’ to other forms of life, all of which are immediately thrown out the window when human actions are considered from a dispassionate perspective. Humans, by and large, treat other humans appallingly. Companion animals and pets, conversely, anchor me to, and in, generosity, kindness, and love.

Our pets also tend to live much shorter life spans that that of humans – with notable examples including tortoises and some bird species, for example – and therefore relationships with companion animals keeps me honest and focused on the present and immediate future. I don’t have the luxury of time within which to experience all I would like to with Cully as he is eight years old now and will probably only live another two to four years if we are fortunate. I have to be present every day, and I constantly check my priorities in terms of Cully’s routine and changing needs as he moves into becoming a ‘senior’ dog. In turn, I am more attuned and responsive to changing needs in the humans around me, and I am (I hope) a better EOL Doula, support person, colleague, spouse, and friend thanks to all that Cully and my other companion animals throughout the years have brought into my life. In essence, I think I am a better person because of my relationships with pets and animals.

I don’t know if my contribution will be useful or needed for your project, but I want to thank you for the opportunity here on the page to express my perspective – writing this email has helped me to clarify and better understand some of my own mechanisms and ideas which were reasonably unformed up until today. That is a gift, thank you.

Have a wonderful day and whether or not I hear from you in the future I wish you every success with your non-belief project,

Annetta

*I have attached an image of my dog Cully, who I credited in the acknowledgements section of my PhD thesis as my Research Assistant (specialist in water droplets, sand, and seaweed) – and I know of other academics who refer to their companion animals as RAs on a regular basis, for example.

I sincerely mean every word of what I wrote to Aubrey, and encourage you to do some deep reflection on your own perspectives of life, and what is important for you – your insights may well help you plan for a more fulfilling End Of Life for yourself and your pet. If you are interested in learning more about having support for either your own, or your companion animal’s End Of Life, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Let’s talk.

The Only Person In The Room Talking About Death…

I have finally surfaced from the jet-lag from my trip to Europe, where I was given the opportunity to present twice – once about the funeral disruption industry in Australia, once about End Of Life Doulas in Australia. Both presentations were in the same afternoon, so my tiredness at the end of the trip is understandable.

What I found fascinating is that the funeral disruption talk was slated for the panel “Birth and Death” – however I was the only person in the room who was talking about death. Weirdly, I was in a room full of midwives, nurses and researchers who were firmly fixated on the medicalisation of birth and the ramifications of this for practice. Which is good, and certainly food for good thought and future research pathways, however both mothers and infants/foetueses do die – so I was fascinated by the way I was actually sidelined by the room. Many people took enthusiastic photos of my presentation, but zero questions afterwards.

I do invite all of you to have conversations about death and dying. Please. Don’t be afraid of being the one person in the room who will begin the talks.

If you would like some pointers about how to begin a End Of Life conversation please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Let’s talk.20180606_150939.jpg

Talking EOL Doulas and Health Sociology in Europe

I am a bit quiet on the posting at the moment as I am in Europe where I spoke at the biennial European Society for Health and Medical Sociology (ESHMS) conference.

A short holiday to recharge my energies and catch up with friends has followed the conference, but I do want to let you know how the conference went.

I presented on disruptions to the funeral industry in Australia and EOL Doulas in Australia. There is a lot of interest about Doulas in Europe, coupled with a genuine concern that poorer people are able to access our services – many colleagues were wondering about government subsidies for EOL Doulas in fact.

I plan to return to the next conference in 2020, where my research into EOL Doulas will be the focus of my

If you would like to know mire about family-led or alternative funeral options, or are Doula-Curious ease do not hesitate to contact me. I am happy to answer your questions.

Let’s talk.

The Funeral Disruption Industry in Australia

I am proud to be here in Lisbon at the ESHMS conference “Old Tensions, Emerging Paradoxes in Health Rights Knowledge, and Trust”.

I have two presentations: ohne about EOL Doulas and their role in providing ongoing death literacy and continuity of care for clients, the other (a distributed paper) on disruption and tbe corporate funeral model in Australia.

My distributed papet abstract is on pages 74-75 of the program book. I feel so proud, this is a great accomplishment.

Two of MY abstracts accepted for the June 2018 ESHMS Lisbon conference! Huzzah!

Came back from my – unplugged & lovely – holiday last night to discover that both of the abstracts I had submitted to the 17th Biennial conference with the European Society for Health and Medical Sociology (ESHMS) have been accepted!

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The conference – Old Tensions, Emerging Paradoxes in Health: rights, knowledge, and trust – will see me speak about the role of End Of Life Doulas in Australia, as well as ownership of the body, and body autonomy, after death in Australia (including disruptions to the corporatised medical and funeral industry models we are currently seeing emerge in Australia). For example, in Victoria Natural Grace Funerals, and in NSW Picaluna – funeral alternatives like these two companies offer true choice, time, individualisation, and (often) much less expensive End Of Life/funeral options for their clients compared to traditional corporate models. Economies of scale have seen us with our current models, however it is always good to know what your rights, options and choices are.

If you are interested in a funeral that suits you and reflects your life and personality please do not hesitate to get in touch, I am happy to help you understand what your real choices are for funerals and End Of Life.

Let’s talk.

A look into family life at End Of Life

There is a very useful article from Discover Society which considers what happens in families – and in terms of acting like ‘family’ – when someone is at End Of Life.

The article also contains some useful additional reading at the bottom of the page.

Would you like to explore the world of End Of Life and building compassionate communities and networks, including family?

Let’s talk.